Tuesday, September 25, 2012

toast spittle

mega ultra diarrhea love from the house of satan and the house of love

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

armchair haiku

ah arm of arm chair
where i rest my weary arm
on that sweet left arm

Sunday, February 19, 2012

this is my college acceptance essay, wish me luck

“Omg this time travel is giving me the squirts!!” said Joaquin on the Dave Letterman show in a haze.
“I'm getting pretty thirsty, do you think I could use your butt like a water fountain, except with diarrhea?” Angy asked, expectantly.
As I watched her dribble the brown quelsh (my nickname for strange time traveling diarrhea) from Joaquin's Buthole, I started laughing and crying at the same time. I looked around the room at the megasuper computers. I was wondering if I could get on http://www.youporn.com from them, or if they even had internet. I will never know that, even in my old age, I wonder if I could have looked at some cool pornoe on those computers.
But back to the story of the time traveling faggots.
“Hey you cunt, lets go kill osama” said Joaquin bequeathly.
“I don't know if I am going to want to do this, your faggoty green and pink 1980s bullshit nylon polyester fag clothes are bothering my eyes, i'm starting to get a headache.” I said to the nigger with the gay clothes.
“You know what that means! Something fucked up is about to happen, I can just feel it. My name is Angie, I am a character in this story.! Hahah.”
“Epic...” said joquin as he slid his Quelsh-stained cock out of his slimy, sweaty jock strap, and began furiously wanking off on Angie's face as she sang the national anthem in spanish, just like she fucking would.

Friday, February 17, 2012

yeah, suck it

Furthermore, to say that "Everything in the universe is subject to causality, but the universe itself is not" commits what is called the Taxi Cab Fallacy. That is to say, you've ridden the idea of causality to the arbitrarily chosen point that you no longer wish to adhere to it, and dismissed it like a taxi.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Currently living a normal life making $60,000 a year working in IT while stealing all day and dealing drugs and killing people from the comfort of my bed which I'm too afraid to leave. I'm a skinnyfat kungfu master pussy too weak to stand and in too much pain to think straight. I feel nothing. Still, I've been getting better since I started taking Piracetam and St. John's Wort and Abilify, helps to offset all the drugs and drinking that I do that I wish I could do but am too afraid to and don't while I do. Maybe I'll stop when I finally start college again which I dropped out of in 3rd grade when I moved from the country of Europe to Australia. I'm afraid that if I start college again while making $60,000 a year working in IT and for the FBI while stealing wallets all day and killing people I won't get to keep getting the foodstamps I don't get because I don't need to rip the government off like some nigger to pay for the weed I have a card for and buy wholesale to sell to mexicans so I can hire hitmen to kill the people I don't believe in killing, if that happened and I quit getting those foodstamps I don't get then my drug empire will collapse and that has me real bummed out.
rock rock and the rock rock rock rolling down the hill

Sunday, February 12, 2012

SOme things i can see from where i am sitting and what their deal is:

-bottle of hand sanitizer: i like to pour it on wooden boards in my room and light it on fire
-shin bone: it fell off a halloween decoration i usually hang from the tree in my front yard, named mister skeleton man
-Jar of black and white writing utensils: it's a black mug filled with pens, pencils, and markers that only have black and white showing.
-febreeze can: i like to spray it on my bed to make my sheets smell clean even when they aren't.
-gold spray paint: i like gold shit
-miniature american flag: i got this from luke's drawer of weird shit when we were hot gluing things together, it is attached to a trophy that says "line rider champ"
-buddha box: a pink box that has a volume knob, and a button that plays cool drone things
-jar of incense: my mom got me an insane amount of incense from a yard sale, i dont use incense as much i used to though

Saturday, February 11, 2012


this morning, i woke up and found three irregular grains of rice on my pillow where my ear had been previously resting. thinking it was probably someone playing a cruel prank, i went back to sleep, with my left ear resting on the rice (i read somewhere that lying on your left side is better for your stomach, who am i to argue?). when i woke up, i was surprised to find more of the rice there. It was white, sticky, and had all the qualities that white rice normally has, but each grain was larger and more rough on the outside than how i remembered normal rice to look like (it was early in the morning, my mind wasn't as awake as it would have been the night before). i also realized that i had forgotten what normal rice even looked like. i racked my brain for what seemed like ten minutes trying to remember what rice looked like, or any time i had ever eaten it. I realized that i had no idea what rice was, it was a completely abstract concept in my head. I had no prior experience or memory that led me to have even a slight idea of what rice was used for, where it comes from, and what it might be doing on my pillow. I pulled the covers off me, got dressed, and looked back down at my pillow. "rice, rice rice" i kept telling myself, trying to remember how i knew the word, and what it meant in relation to what was on my pillow. suddenly, a flash, an insight into my past. i remembered a night when I was eight years old, my older brother's birthday. he had asked for rice and cheese for breakfast. it was such a powerful memory, i felt as if i was reliving it. I remembered using my fork to shovel mounds of the grains held together with thick melted cheese into my mouth. the look of contentment on my brother's face as he ate bowl after bowl of the yellow mush.
when i came to, i was lying at the bottom of the back stairs leading to the kitchen, as i tried to pick myself up, a shooting pain drove into my side, it felt like a broken rib. i lay back down. as my head hit the floor, i felt something fall out of my ear into my hair. i reached up and pulled the lump out of my hair. it was soft and mushy, a yellowish white color, about the size of a large ant. i inspected it up and down, trying to figure out what it was. i smelled it, but it's scent didn't remind me of anything. where had i seen whatever this was before? why was it in my ear?
oh well. time for breakfast.